Rachel was a work in progress.

Rachel was complex and multi-faceted, showing different sides to different people . . . shining brightly and radiating different colors to each person she encountered. Beautiful colors she displayed to all.
 

Rachel’s mother tried to find an analogy that would best describe Rachel and the thought of a kaleidoscope came to mind. It is intricate, complex, and ever changing, with moments out of focus and moments of beautiful, perfect clarity.

As many of you know, Rachel had a butterfly tattooed on her lower back when she was 16. And at 19, she created the piece of artwork that you see before you.

While her parents visited Rachel in October, she explained that the picture was a self-portrait of transformation. She happily explained that she was the colored chrysalis, not yet a butterfly. The eyes in the grass are the eyes of criticism and judgment and perhaps self doubt. Only tones of black and gray flow from the paintbrush. We don’t know the exact meaning of that but those colors may be fitting as Rachel sometimes struggled with her own anxiety and occasional unhappiness. She brought so much color to other people’s lives but she sometimes did not feel the warmth of the color herself. We do know that creativity was pervasive throughout her life and it brought her comfort and joy.
 

BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL . . .
(This was written by Toni Nesheim in the early morning hours prior to the internment of Rachel’s remains. She read this at the grave side service)

What can we possibly say as parents burying their child?

When Rhys was born we knew JOY.  And when Rachel was born we knew JOY. It was even more so because she was our beautiful baby girl. We never thought that we would be so lucky as to have such a beautiful baby girl. And I in particular reveled in all of her ruffles and lace and kittens and dolls and shopping trips and party dresses.

As parents we know WORRY from scraped knees and boo-boos to the deep-seeded worry as you watch your child struggle with growing up, trying to connect with friends, trying to be comfort in her own skin, trying to find her true self. And as you hope and pray that she will grow to value herself as you value her. We now know the meaning of the word WEARY. It is beyond fatigue. It settles in every muscle and joint and corner of your mind. Sleep does little to relieve it.

Worst of all – we now know the meaning of SORROW. SORROW is insidious. It has come to permanently reside in each of us through this tragedy. Over time perhaps it will lighten its crushing habitation of our bodies, our souls, and our minds. But it will always be there . . . cruelly stealing happiness and comfort and feelings of security at inopportune moments for the rest of our lives.

Finally, and as importantly, we have experienced love and thankfulness for all of our family and friends and Rachel’s family of friends – from Mankato and Grayslake. Everyone’s thoughts and prayers have been felt and have buoyed us up and made us move forward when we couldn’t. Whether the spirit of the Lord or the spirit of family and friends it has kept us from sinking.

This is a GOODBYE that no parent should ever have to say. A goodbye to our beautiful baby girl. Our beautiful Rachel whose sweetness and love will dwell in us as will the sorrow.

Rachel, we thank God for sending you to us. It was our privilege and honor to be your parents, to be your brother, to be your family for 19 short years.

We want to say thank you for your love, your uniqueness, your beauty – the light and color that you brought to all of us here.  We love you and we say goodbye to you.